It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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