Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
