he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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