I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
