my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
wow bdsm is so cute
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