"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
