so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We have started to decorate penises.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
