i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
