my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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