Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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