After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
