Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize