He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
