Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
