I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize