He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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