Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
