I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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