She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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