I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize