sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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