at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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