for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
