i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
