I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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