I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
