I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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