She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize