i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
