I just threw up on my dentist
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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