Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
