No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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