I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
