I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
babies were throwing up all over the place
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize