I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
