You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize