tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
