That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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