i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
