nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
