she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
