So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
