She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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