morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
