i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
