Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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