My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
