My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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