Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize