I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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