There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
