James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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