idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
