i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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