My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize