You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
