i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
