Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
