I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
