I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Houston, we have a squirter
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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