All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
