i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
