My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
