How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize