Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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