After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
