can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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