It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
