She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
