I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
