It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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