Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
