I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
