Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
