I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
