If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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