I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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