Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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