pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
