he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize